You sir are a douchebag

I write this post as I sit at my local pool during adult swim. Roughly four minutes ago I was briskly walking along the side of the pool because my dad said he could swim across before I could walk across. I was 1/4 of the way there when a lifeguard stopped me to ask me why I was running. Now I had many things I wanted to say but I instead said sorry and walked over here to say the many other things I could have said.

First off I was not running. My knees never broke a 45 degree angle plus I always had one foot touching the ground. Now I know it's his job to make sure I'm safe but when I'm 2 feet away from the edge of the pool and not moving very fast at all it's just you being a bit of a douchebag. And if you happen to be reading this then I apologize for bumping into you with my arm but you need to chill out a bit.

This is indeed a true story. Please feel free to comment and share. Follow me on twitter @sonofablogger_ Thanks for reading!

Flash Fiction: #unZombieTales

So I'm doing another flash fiction contest and here is the link to that http://zombiemechanics.com/2012/07/unzombietales-flash-fiction-contest/
I have 250 words starting now.


The hordes of undead began to swarm around us. I looked over at my partner and he was beginning to struggle. He looked back and shouted "This was not expected." We had gone out to look for supplies when we became overrun with the swarms of undead. "What were you expecting! This is no Sunday school picnic!"

I smashed another zombies head in as what appeared to be the large zombie overlord approached. He charged at us and as he drew near I slid underneath him and came up behind him. I swung my axe straight toward his head.

The axe make contact with a sickening clang. Wait zombies don't go clang when you hit them!??! I then noticed a small zipper on the back of the zombie. This wasn't a zombie at all. I pulled the zipper down to reveal a man. I yanked him out and all the zombies just froze where they were. I tied him up and he explained he was a scientist who created a robot army of zombies to try and take over the world. He looked at me and said "I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling zombie hunters!" The police arrived shortly later and took him off to jail. Me and my partner cleaned up all the robots and went back to our normal lives.

THE END.

Flash the Monkey King

If you'd told me two weeks ago that I would be a prince I probably wouldn't have believed you. Now this is the story sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the fresh prince of bel-air. Ok so actually I'm not the fresh prince of bel-air. I'm not really a prince at all by definition, it's more so the metaphorical type of prince sorta like prince charming.

So it was a regular Saturday like any other and I was walking down a dirt path in the forest near my house. I came upon a monkey sitting in the path. Now I became rather confused as to why a monkey was in this forest because monkeys aren't exactly native to this area. He opened his mouth and I was expecting for him to start howling but boy was I wrong. He decided to nearly give me a heart attack. In a rather deep voice almost like that of Morgan Freeman he spoke. He said "I seem to have fallen from a tree and hurt my leg. I hope you don't mind but I would like to ask for your assistance here."

So I pull my self together and ask this monkey how he could talk and how he got all the way out here. He looked at me and said "Well you see I was once a monkey used for genetic experimentation however the facility had a major accident and everything started to fail and they locked us creatures in the facility. However I escaped through a hole in the roof and came to look for a kind human to assist us." (

I thought it over and decided to help these animals so I grabbed some bandages and as I wrapped up the monkeys leg he explained how the animals chose him as their king. So I proceeded to spend the next week helping him heal in which we discovered his talking was not the only extraordinary ability. We also discovered he can run at incredible speeds and has above average strength and intelligence. (347)

So I decided to call my simian friend flash for his super speed and quick wits. He had finally returned to his normal state when we decided to go rescue his friends. I climbed on his back and we ran at over 300 miles per hour to the facility where he was held.

When we got there I discovered that the scientists had welded the doors shut. The welding job was terrible so I decided to try and break through the weld. I looked around until I found a large metal canister. I picked up the canister and bashed open the door.

The animals poured out of the building and my good friend flash the monkey king look and me and said " I declare you my prince. You are now the prince of the animals on this facility."

So that's the story of how I became a prince.

This story was written for the dude write flash fiction challenge and is almost exactly 500 words. Thanks for reading feel free to comment.